DARE I

Who am I truly underneath, I do not know,

Dare I see the real me and love it all?

Letting go of familiar roles is not easy,

They are comfortable and have their rewards.


At times, my body feels like a stranger,

One I cannot still forgive,

It carries the unseen stains and grit,

That my history conceals.


It’s cold and dark inside my mind,

But light does reach in often.

It shows the parts I had to hide,

And hurts so much to notice.


My sneaky heart that dreams and hides,

Is telling me to listen,

But it wants what it cannot have,

It likes to keep its distance.


My tired soul cries out for freedom,

To be released from the accepted and the static.

It wants to bloom just like a flower but in winter,

Not in the spring or summer as expected.


Dare I see the real me and love it all?

Who am I truly underneath, I do not know,

All that I know is I won’t sleep,

Until my body, mind, heart and soul are all free.

LOVE YOURSELF

Open your eyes, and see who doesn’t see you,

The ones who think they do but don’t.

Don’t try to fit into their fantasy of love it’s tiring,

My dear, must you betray your soul?


The parts that feel unloved and sad,

Deserve to be acknowledged.

They might feel ugly and ashamed,

But carry hidden treasures.


Be true to you, and love yourself,

That is the thing that matters.

Then one day you’ll find the one,

Who’ll love you even shattered.


So, peel away your soothing layers,

Even if you feel afraid.

When all that’s left of you, is realness,

The one you seek will sure be there.

THERE’S A BIRD KNOCKING ON MY WINDOW

There’s a bird knocking on my window.

“Come on, come out” she said to me,

You’ve been in for too long, you’re feeling blue.

Your mind is restless, and so are you.

Your thoughts cut like a sword

But you don’t have a clue.

These walls can give you shelter,

But not from the real you.

Your soul is tired and wants to fly,

Come see the magic that surrounds you.”


It’s raining and it’s muddy, but nature’s always joyful.

The birdsongs concert soothes and heals,

All hearts that want to listen.

A squirrel enjoys her dug-up meals

While watching me intently.

Green tiny buds pop from the ground,

I’m careful not to squash them.

I see pure joy of puddles on tiny human faces

It shows me fun is just a mindset.

The rain and wind caress my face,

And make me feel alive.

I wonder how someone can sleep

And not see nature thrive.


There was a bird knocking on my window.

Thank you, dear friend,

I feel I’m me again.

HURT PEOPLE ARE LIKE ROSES

There once was a girl with long green hair. She liked to travel, sometimes by foot, and sometimes with her heart and mind. In her journeys, she connected to her inner world and wise beings who shared their knowledge with her; this helped her to discover herself. This story is about one of those journeys.

The girl with the green hair struggled to understand the “ugliness” in humans. She knew there was beauty in them too, as she saw it many times and that gave her hope. But mostly, she saw that “ugliness” and it brought with it pain and anger.

It was a beautiful cloudy day, and the girl decided to go to the park with a rose garden. When she got there, she saw a beautiful red rose and started smelling it, holding it gently between her palms. She loved roses. Every time she inhaled their mesmerising scent, it felt like she was taking in their essence. She wished people were as beautiful. The girl laid down in the grass next to the rose bush, closed her eyes and started to listen to the bird songs.

“Hello”, she heard at one point. The voice was soft and friendly. She opened her eyes but couldn’t see anyone around her.

“I’m here look to your right,” said the voice. The girl looked to her right, but she could only see the rose bush. She then got up and looked at the roses. She saw the beautiful red rose that she smelled, moving around even though there was no breeze outside.

“Hello,” said the rose cheerfully. “Did you like my scent?”

“Hi,” replied the girl. “Yes, your scent is beautiful! I wish humans were as beautiful as you.”

“Thank you. Well, humans and roses are more similar than you think”.

“Really?”

 “Yes, you seem surprised.”

“I am, humans are not always beautiful. They can be ugly and hurt others sometimes.”

“I can hurt you too if you hold me by my thorns,” said the rose. “It’s all about how you hold me; same with people. Imagine that the thorns on my stem are the result of the pain that you experienced in your life; and that the place that holds your heart is in the yellow centre of my flower. If your heart broke, now it will be hiding. Maybe it wants to heal, love and trust others again, but it feels that the price to pay is too high. So, every time someone gets close to it, the thorns protect it from the possibility of getting hurt again.”

“That is beautiful,” said the girl with tears in her eyes. “I never thought about things like that before. How can someone heal a broken heart?”

“The best way to heal a broken heart is to hold it gently like it is the most precious gift in the world; just as you held me when you smelled my perfume, with a lot of love and respect. The broken heart will start to open itself slowly and will heal in time. But, to heal someone’s broken heart, you first must heal your own.”

The girl had tears coming down her cheeks. She thought about the times in her life when she was like a rose and hurt the people she loved with her thorns. She also remembered the times other people’s thorns hurt her, but she couldn’t walk away from them. The girl finally understood that instead of focusing on her thorns and heal herself, she focused on other people’s and tried to heal them.

“Thank you, rose!”

“You’re welcome. I hope you will come and see me again.”

The girl got close to the rose, put her hands gently around it like she did before, and gave it a soft kiss on its petals. She felt the warm sun on her skin. A leaf fell on her face, and she opened her eyes. She looked at the red rose to her right and smiled. She now knew that the “ugliness” in humans is not at all what she thought it was, and she decided to learn how to turn it into beauty again.


Painting by me, Aug 2019


(Rose photo taken by me)

Note: This story is not about abusive relationships, where the hope is that the person who abuses you will change and stop hurting you, if you accept them as they are. They will not change just because you want them to, no matter how much you try, hope and maybe even blame yourself because they are like this; the decision to change must start from them. Learn to love and put yourself first; you deserve to be treated with love and respect.

DANCING WITH THE DEVIL

There once was a girl with long green hair. She liked to travel, sometimes by foot, and sometimes with her heart and mind. In her journeys, she connected to her inner world and wise beings who shared their knowledge with her; this helped her to discover herself. This story is about one of those journeys.

The girl with the green hair loved music, for it had the power to connect humans with their deepest emotions and heal their Souls. There was magic in the sounds and rhythms created by humans, and she experienced their healing effect many times. She felt the music with every cell in her body, and this made her feel free.

There was a gentle mist in the air that day, and the sun was hiding behind the clouds. The girl was walking along a river, lost in her thoughts; there was a heavy feeling surrounding her today. Suddenly she heard music in the distance; someone was playing the violin. Mesmerised by the sound, she started to walk towards the music as if something was pulling her there.

She saw a woman playing the violin. She was young, had long white hair and green eyes; her beauty was angelic. The woman smiled at the girl. There was something quite familiar about that woman and the song she was playing, and the girl stood there spellbound.

“Would you like to dance?” said a soft voice that pulled her out of the music spell. She turned her head to the left and saw a very handsome man standing next to her. He had wavy dark hair and blue eyes that pierced her soul; his voice soothed her a lot. She wanted to say no at first, but she realised that there was something quite familiar and comfortable about him too, so she said yes. He took her hand and gently pulled her towards him; they started to dance quite close. Their bodies seemed to move in the same rhythm effortlessly.

“Do I know you? You seem familiar”, said the girl.

“I think you know me very well by now,” he said and smiled; then looked deeply into her eyes.

The girl felt a sudden chill through her body and at that moment, she realised who he was. She smiled, leaned her head on his chest and continued to dance. 

“You are not afraid of me anymore.”

“No, I’m not. I know now that you don’t want to hurt me.”

“I never wanted to hurt you. I’m not here to destroy you, I’m only here to make you stronger. I never made you do anything that you didn’t want to, you were just not strong enough to say no. I’m part of you, and you needed me to help you grow.”

“I know. I wouldn’t change anything that happened in my life.”

“Good. You wanted to see what it’s like to be human and I’m part of that. There is no light without dark; they are two sides of the same coin. You might find it hard to accept that you are not only good. You also have the power to kill, lie, cheat, manipulate and destroy; both these sides are deep inside of you. In the end, it’s your choice if you use any of them to hurt others or yourself, nobody else’s.”

“I do find it hard to accept that, I want to be perfect and pure like an Angel!” said the girl.

“But you are an Angel, it’s just that you are also a Devil at the same time.”

The girl looked into his eyes and smiled, then whispered in his ear “Thank you for helping me become stronger.”

He smiled back at her and kissed her softly on her forehead. “With awareness, comes responsibility. Remember that nobody can put you down unless you let them. And if you put others down, you are responsible for your choices.”

The music stopped at that moment, and he gently let go of her waist.

“We have to go now, take care of yourself,” he said.

“We?”

He turned his head to the angelic woman playing the violin; she smiled at him, nodded, and looked up towards the sky.

The girl with the green hair looked up too; the sun was now out and shining brightly. She closed her eyes and let the sun caress her face. When she opened her eyes and looked down again, they were both gone. As the girl stood there, two long feathers, one white and one black, glided through the air and landed at her feet. She picked them up, smiled and started to walk.


Painting by me, July 2019

(Smoke photo taken by me)