ILLUSIONS OF CHANGE

Yesterday I wanted to save the planet,
Today I think it’s us humans who need saving.
Trapped in the illusion of our grandeur and our values,
It’s easy to forget that Earth has been long-standing.
Humanity evolved in time through learning,
And inspiration came from all the shapes and sounds around us.
Our earthly teachers taught us how to live and how to build,
But we were open then, and we could hear their guidance.
Nature has done its thing and thrived, without our intervention.
How could I be so vain and think that I’m its salvation?
Some say we are connected, and that we need each other,
My truth: nature can live without us, but we would die without it.
It makes me sad to see how much it gives us, not asking a lot back,
Except that we respect it, but we’re too self-absorbed for that.
Stuck in the land of old habits, how can we find some meaning?
Maybe by looking at our issues as wounds that need healing?
What if things are not changing because we’re pointing fingers?
Because we focus on the problems, and not on ways of solving.
I felt a lack of power when I looked up to our leaders,
Demanding justice for the planet in a childish demeanour.
Though I might feel small, I’m also clever and I’m strong,
I think the giants have grown tall because we fed them,
Consuming with our pain and void, and not with our soul.
I’m hanging on to the belief that in my hands I hold the power,
To make them shrink the moment I’m awake or when I’m whole.
Bucky’s wise words invite us all to hope and dream.
He said: create new, better ways, then watch the old ways fall.
So, how will I choose to live my life while I am here?
Will I stay small and scream, and hope someone will hear?
Or will I choose to dream and find in me the power,
To heal me, and maybe help another feel empowered?
I choose the latter, and won’t rest until I find a way,
To play my part, even if small; to build another step.
We’re all in this together, trying our best to stay alive,
But I dream of a world where we’re all whole; maybe even thrive.


DARE I

Who am I truly underneath, I do not know,

Dare I see the real me and love it all?

Letting go of familiar roles is not easy,

They are comfortable and have their rewards.


At times, my body feels like a stranger,

One I cannot still forgive,

It carries the unseen stains and grit,

That my history conceals.


It’s cold and dark inside my mind,

But light does reach in often.

It shows the parts I had to hide,

And hurts so much to notice.


My sneaky heart that dreams and hides,

Is telling me to listen,

But it wants what it cannot have,

It likes to keep its distance.


My tired soul cries out for freedom,

To be released from the accepted and the static.

It wants to bloom just like a flower but in winter,

Not in the spring or summer as expected.


Dare I see the real me and love it all?

Who am I truly underneath, I do not know,

All that I know is I won’t sleep,

Until my body, mind, heart and soul are all free.

I WANT TO

I want to, says the heart; but it’s too hard.

I want to, says the mind; but it’s not right.

I want to, says the heart; what if it hurts?

I want to, says the mind; what is the point?

I want to, says the heart; but I’m too scared.

I want to, says the mind; but I’m too drained.

I want to, says the heart; but if we fall

I want to, says the mind; what if we won’t?

SENTIMENTS OF OTHERS

The things I do, they never seem enough,

My mind heeds mainly the sentiments of others.

What makes their views matter much more to me?

Could be that my opinion of myself feels minor.

It’s not by choice I wish I could erase that,

But love came mostly with an if price.

When I could see what’s deeply hidden,

Beneath the layers of this racing

And of the moments of suspicion,

I might see myself with much more mercy.

It takes the joy out of my actions,

And I’m left feeling incomplete.

Biting my tongue brings even more trouble,

And the resentment slowly builds.

It tries to fill an endless hole,

Nothing will ever feel outright.

But I keep trying till I’m tired,

And then I know it’s time to stop.

I use the time of this awareness,

To raise above the foggy ground,

And when I’m up there in the brightness,

I can jump off the merry-go-round.

YEARNING

When I looked at you, I saw myself less,

I wish I had what you had, but was it best?

What made me think that I’m not good?

I may have felt misunderstood.

It was by me, and not by you,

I just tried to fit a role untrue.

I felt the yearning for the trait in you,

And seem to think it’s hard to get.

But little did I stop to think,

That what I have is just as good.

To match my flair with yours was silly,

It made our beings seem unreal.

Instead, I focused on my assets,

Smoothing them out, until they’re clear.

I still have moments when I’m yearning,

Whenever I see other people shine.

It’s just that now the veil is lifted,

And I can see me just as bright.

CHASING VENUS

Many have tried to catch her in their lifetimes,

I must admit I too was one of them.

Imagine my surprise when later I discovered,

That she was hiding all along, inside my chest,

You sneaky Goddess, why did you keep so quiet?

You had me running like a lunatic in circles.

I thought I saw you in some humans in my springtime,

And that was hard to deal with I felt broken.

Summer arrived, and I believed I learnt my lessons,

It turned out I wasn’t, was still chasing fables.

But at the end of summer, something shifted,

So, I pressed pause and did some thinking.

During this time, some guides have often told me,

That what I seek was not something I’m lacking.

Autumn showed up, and as the old was falling,

I started to believe what they were saying.

Then slowly you emerged, in all your beauty,

And told me that the reason you were hiding,

Was not because you wanted, you just had to,

The walls around my heart were just too high.

But I see you now, and that is deeply soothing,

I want to learn how to embrace your essence,

To see what’s all the fuss about, true love they call it,

Though it appears, it’s not so easy to discover.

And even though my love life has been bitter,

I can attest to you I wouldn’t change one thing, no more.

LOVE YOURSELF

Open your eyes, and see who doesn’t see you,

The ones who think they do but don’t.

Don’t try to fit into their fantasy of love it’s tiring,

My dear, must you betray your soul?


The parts that feel unloved and sad,

Deserve to be acknowledged.

They might feel ugly and ashamed,

But carry hidden treasures.


Be true to you, and love yourself,

That is the thing that matters.

Then one day you’ll find the one,

Who’ll love you even shattered.


So, peel away your soothing layers,

Even if you feel afraid.

When all that’s left of you, is realness,

The one you seek will sure be there.

THERE’S A BIRD KNOCKING ON MY WINDOW

There’s a bird knocking on my window.

“Come on, come out” she said to me,

You’ve been in for too long, you’re feeling blue.

Your mind is restless, and so are you.

Your thoughts cut like a sword

But you don’t have a clue.

These walls can give you shelter,

But not from the real you.

Your soul is tired and wants to fly,

Come see the magic that surrounds you.”


It’s raining and it’s muddy, but nature’s always joyful.

The birdsongs concert soothes and heals,

All hearts that want to listen.

A squirrel enjoys her dug-up meals

While watching me intently.

Green tiny buds pop from the ground,

I’m careful not to squash them.

I see pure joy of puddles on tiny human faces

It shows me fun is just a mindset.

The rain and wind caress my face,

And make me feel alive.

I wonder how someone can sleep

And not see nature thrive.


There was a bird knocking on my window.

Thank you, dear friend,

I feel I’m me again.

HEAVEN & HELL ARE INSIDE YOU (The waterfall of Truth)

There once was a girl with long green hair. She liked to travel, sometimes by foot, and sometimes with her heart and mind. In her journeys, she connected to her inner world and wise beings who shared their knowledge with her; this helped her to discover herself. This story is about one of those journeys.

The girl with the green hair never saw her true reflection. Every time she tried to see it, the image looking back at her was always blurry or distorted. So, she grew up being unaware of how her Soul looks like; and this made her want to hide from the world at times. Until, one day, when everything changed.

She heard that in the South, there was a magical waterfall that helped people see their essence. So, she packed a few things and went to find it. The girl walked and walked, over plains and hills; until one day, she reached a forest. She walked through that forest for quite a while until she saw a waterfall. Next to it was an old lady who was sewing, using silvery threads like the Moon rays.

“Hello. Is this the waterfall that shows people their true essence?”

“Hello, my dear”, said the old lady smiling. Yes, it is, I’m its keeper.”

“Why does the waterfall need a keeper?”

“The waterfall doesn’t need a keeper. It’s the people who come to see it who need some guidance. Are you ready for your journey?”

“Yes, I’m ready,” said the girl.

“Ok, then, follow me. We will walk behind the waterfall.”

The old lady got up and started walking towards the waterfall. The water was falling furiously, forming a noisy but mesmerising curtain. The girl with the green hair followed the old lady behind the waterfall and she saw an entrance leading to a cave. They stepped into the cave. It was dark in there, and the girl got scared. She heard a noise, and suddenly the cave was lit; the old lady was holding an oil lamp.

“I will be with you every step of the way, so don’t be scared,” said the old woman. “No matter what happens, allow yourself to feel whatever comes up for you.”

“Ok, I will.”

They both started to walk on a path and after a few minutes, they reached a cave chamber. The old lady walked in first and sat down against a wall. The girl with the green hair walked in too; she felt a chill down her spine. When she reached the middle of the chamber, she stopped. It was then that she started to hear the voices. They were low at first, but getting louder and louder, and saying the same things over and over again: That person is better than you! You are so weird! Why would anyone love you? You are fat! You will fall, no matter how much you try! You are not pretty enough! You can’t do anything right! It’s not good enough, try harder! Why can’t you be like everyone else? You don’t deserve to be loved! You are stupid!

The girl with the green hair felt overwhelmed. She stood there for a while unable to move; then she fell on her knees and started crying. Every single sentence was like a knife that was piercing her heart. At one point, she felt tired; it was then that she felt a hand on her right shoulder.

“It’s enough, let’s leave this place!” said the old lady and helped the girl get up.

The girl wiped the tears off her face; she felt weak, and her head was hurting. They both started to walk again in silence on another path until they reached another cave chamber. The girl with the green hair stopped and wearily looked at the old lady as if she didn’t want to go in.

“The first chamber was the hardest part. You are much stronger than you think, and I’ll be here if you need me” said the old lady smiling.

The girl with the green hair took a deep breath and they both walked into the second chamber. The old lady sat again next to a wall and the girl walked to the middle of the cave chamber; but she couldn’t hear any voices there. The old lady signalled her to sit. The girl sat down on the ground, then closed her eyes; she could still hear the voices from the first chamber in her head, and it made her shudder.

“Silence your mind, that is the only way you can hear the voices in here,” said the old lady.

The girl tried to do that but found it extremely hard; those voices in her head were loud, and she felt overwhelmed again. She then heard a soft voice whispering “You can do this!” This made her feel better, and at that moment, the loud voices in her mind started to become softer until they disappeared one by one. She started to hear other voices, this time nicer and happier ones: You are better than you think you are! You are unique! You are innovative and very clever! You deserve to love and be loved! You might fail, so try again, until you succeed! You are very resilient! Why would you want to be like everyone else? You are prettier than you think you are! We love you!

Hearing these voices made her feel surrounded with love like someone was hugging her. She felt like every affirmation was now soothing her broken heart, and she started smiling. The girl stood there for quite a while until she felt that it was time to go. She got up, looked at the old lady and smiled. They both started to walk until they got out of the cave and the waterfall. The old lady sat down in the same place where she was when the girl came and started sewing again.

“Come, sit next to me,” said the old lady to the girl. “How are you feeling?”

The girl sat down next to the old lady.

“Tired, but good. Those voices, they are all inside me, aren’t they?” asked the girl.

“Yes, they are, those were your Hell and your Heaven. Humans believe that they are places where we go after we die, but that is not true. They are both inside us, and they can either put us down or lift us.”

“I felt that. In my Hell I felt frozen, defeated, and that there was no way out of the pain. In my Heaven I felt surrounded by so much love. Those parts of myself have been hiding there for a long time. I didn’t even know they were there.”

“They were waiting for you to bring them out of the dark and into the light. When you do that, you will start to see how your Soul looks like.”

“Thank you for your guidance!” said the girl with the green hair and smiled.

“You are welcome, my dear! If you ever want to talk to me again, you know where to find me. Here, this is for you.”

The old lady gave her a beautiful bracelet with a heart on it, made from the silvery Moon thread. The girl took the bracelet and put it on her left hand. She then hugged and said goodbye to the old lady. As she was about to leave, the girl with the green hair caught a glance of her reflection in the water. For the first time in her life, the image looking back at her was clear, and she caught a glimpse of her Soul; it was so beautiful…


Painting made by me

( Yin & Yang photo taken by me)

RAIUL SI IADUL SUNT INAUNTRUL TAU (Cascada adevărului)

A fost odată o fată cu părul verde lung. Ei îi plăcea să călătorească, uneori pe jos și alteori cu inima și mintea. În călătoriile ei, s-a conectat la lumea ei interioară și cu ființe înțelepte care i-au împărtășit întelepciunea lor; asta a ajutat-o ​​să se descopere. Această poveste este despre una dîn acele călătorii. 

Fata cu părul verde nu și-a văzut niciodata reflecția adevarata. De fiecare data când incerca să o vadă, imaginea reflectată înapoi era neclară sau distorsionată. Asa că ea a crescut fară să știe cum arată Sufletului ei, iar asta o făcut-o să se ascundă de lume. Până când într-o zi, totul s-a schimbat.

Ea a auzit că în Sud există o cascadă magică care arată oamenilor esența lor. Asa că a împachetat câteva lucruri și a mers să o găsească. Fata a umblat și a umblat peste câmpii și dealuri, pînă cînd într-o zi a ajuns într-o pădure. Ea a mers prin pădure o perioada indelungată, pînă a ajuns la o cascadă. Lângă cascadă era o bătrână care stătea și cosea folosind fire argintii ca și razele lunii.

– Bună! Aceasta este cascada care arată oamenilor esența lor?

– Bună, draga mea! spuse zâmbind bătrâna. Da, asta este, iar eu sunt paznicul ei.

– De ce are cascada nevoie de paznic?

– Cascada nu are nevoie de paznic. Insă oamenii care vin să o vadă au nevoie de îndrumare. Ești pregătită sa incepi călătoria?

– Da, sunt pregatită! spuse fata

– Bine, atunci, urmează-mă!

Bătrâna s-a ridicat în picioare și a inceput să meargă spre cascadă. Apa cădea furioasă, formând o perdea zgomotoasă, dar fascinantă.

– O să mergem în spatele cascadei, spuse bătrâna.

Fata cu părul verde a urmat-o pe bătrână pîna au ajuns dupa cascadă. În spatele cortinei de apă era o intrare care ducea spre o peșteră. Au intrat amândouă în pestera care era foarte întunecată; fata era speriată. Ea a auzit un zgomot și dintr-o data pestera s-a luminat; bătrâna tinea in mină o lampă cu ulei.

– Voi fi cu tine la fiecare pas, așa că nu te speria. Orice s-ar intimpla, lasă-te în voia sentimentelor care te cuprind, spuse bătrâna.

– Bine, așa voi face.

Au început să meargă amândouă pe drumul din peșteră. După câteva minute au ajuns într-o încăpere. Bătrâna a intrat prima și s-a așezat lingă perete. Fata cu părul verde a pășit și ea în încăpere și în acel moment a simțit un fior rece pe spate. Când a ajuns în mijloc ea s-a oprit; atunci a început să audă vocile. Au fost scăzute la început, dar au devenit din ce în ce mai tari și spuneau aceleași lucruri întruna: Persoana aia e mai bună decât tine! Ești atât de ciudată! De ce te-ar iubi cineva? Esti grasă! Vei rata, oricât ai încerca! Nu ești destul de frumoasă! Nu poți face nimic bine! Nu esti suficient de bună, încearcă mai tare! De ce nu poți să fi ca toți ceilalți? Nu meriți să fi iubită! Esti proastă!

Fata cu părul verde s-a simțit copleșită. A stat acolo incapabilă să se miște, apoi a căzut în genunchi și a început să plângă în hohote. Fiecare afirmație era ca un cuțit care îi străpungea inima. La un moment dat, s-a simțit epuizată; atunci a simțit o mână pe umăr.

– E destul, hai să mergem! a spus bătrâna și a ajutat-o ​​pe fată să se ridice.

Fata si-a șters lacrimile de pe obraji; se simțea slabită și o durea capul ingrozitor. Au început să meargă amândouă iar, în tăcere, pe un alt drum în pesteră, până când au ajuns la o altă încăpere. Fata cu părul verde s-a oprit și s-a uitat ingrijorată la bătrână de parcă nu ar fi vrut să intre.

– Prima încăpere a fost cea mai grea. Esti mai puternică decit crezi, iar eu voi fi aici dacă ai nevoie de mine, spuse bătrâna zâmbind.

Fata a respirat adânc și a urmat-o pe bătrână în a doua încăpere. Bătrâna s-a asezat din nou lîngă perete si fata s-a îndreptat spre mijlocul încăperii, dar nu a auzit nici o voce cind a ajuns acolo. Bătrâna i-a făcut semn să se așeze. Fata s-a așezat pe pămint și a închis ochii. Încă mai auzea în capul ei vocile din prima încăpere, iar asta a făcut-o să se cutremure.

– Încearcă sa îți liniștești mintea. Doar așa vei putea auzi vocile de aici, spuse bătrâna.

Fata a încercat să facă asta, dar i s-a parut foarte greu; vocile din capul ei erau destul de puternice si s-a simțit din nou copleșită. La un moment dat, a auzit o voce blândă “Poți sa faci asta!” Aceste cuvinte au liniștit-o puțin. În acel moment, vocile puternice din mintea ei au început să devină mai scăzute până când au dispărut una câte una. Fata a început să audă alte voci, de data asta mai suave si vesele: Ești mai bună decât crezi! Esti unică! Ești inovatoare și foarte inteligentă! Meriți să iubești și să fi iubită! S-ar putea să eșuezi, așa că încearcă din nou, până vei reuși! Esti foarte rezistentă! De ce ai vrea să fi ca toți ceilalți? Ești mai frumoasă decât crezi! Te iubim!

Aceste voci au făcut-o pe fată să se simtă înconjurată de dragoste ca și cum cineva ar fi îmbrățișat-o. Fiecare afirmație îi vindeca acum inima ranita și a începu să zâmbească. A stat acolo destul de mult timp până când, la un moment dat, a simțit că este timpul să plece. S-a ridicat, s-a uitat la bătrână și i-a zâmbit. Au inceput sa meargă amândouă până au iesit de după cascadă. Bătrâna s-a așezat în același loc în care se afla când a venit fata și a început să coasă.

– Vino, stai lângă mine, i-a spus bătrâna. Cum te simti?

Fata s-a așezat lângă bătrână.

– Obosită, dar sunt bine. Acele voci, sunt în interiorul meu, nu-i așa?

– Da, acelea au fost Iadul și Raiul tău. Oamenii cred că ele sunt locuri unde te duci după ce mori, dar de fapt amândouă sunt înăuntrul tău. Ele te pot pune la pămant sau te pot ridica la cer.

– Am simțit asta. In Iadul meu m-am simtit înghețată, învinsă și că nu există nici o scăpare din durere. In Raiul meu, m-am simțit înconjurată de asa de multă dragoste. Acele părți din mine s-au ascuns cu mult timp în urmă si nici nu am de știut că sunt acolo.

– Acele părți sunt acolo si te-au așteaptat să le scoți din întuneric la lumină. Când faci asta, vei începe sa vezi cum arata de fapt Sufletul tau.

– Îti mulțumesc pentru îndrumare! spuse fata cu părul verde zimbind.

– Cu plăcere, draga mea! Dacă o să vrei vreodată să vorbesti cu mine din nou, știi unde să mă găsesti. Asta este pentru tine.

Bătrâna i-a întins o brățară frumoasă cu o inimă pe ea, făcută din firul argintiu ca si luna. Fata a luat brățara și a pus-o pe mâna stângă. I-a mulțumit bătrânei, a imbratișat-o si i-a spus la revedere. În timp ce fata cu părul verde se pregetea sa plece, ea si-a vazut reflecția în apa. Pentru prima oară in viața ei, imaginea era clara si pentru o clipă și-a văzut Sufletului ei; era atât de frumos…


Pictura facuta de mine